


A Trick With A Twist

by theboybismarck



Series: Bismarck's Parappaverse [1]
Category: PaRappa the Rapper, Um Jammer Lammy
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Background Relationships, Character with Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gender Non-Conforming Character, M/M, Opposites Attract, Sikh Character, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-08-09 17:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20122384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theboybismarck/pseuds/theboybismarck
Summary: Takoyama never really thought he'd fall for someone whose hair he could never cut.





	1. Masks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is A Trick With A Twist, my dumb slow-burn GuruTako fanfiction that I probably wrote about ten years too late. Still, I hope you enjoy it and if you have a request for a chapter idea later on or even another idea all together please let me know! Thanks, and enjoy!

“Dip me!”

Takoyama leans back dramatically, blue arms grasping his best friend’s shoulders. “Come on Moosesha, just let your body feel the music!” The military instructor sighs, a bit exasperated and a bit endeared, and slowly lowers her friend closer to the ground, making an effort not to hurt him.

Club Fun was hosting a Masquerade of Music, led by MC King Kong Mushi. MilkCan was performing for a bit of that night, a mix of alternative rock and (at Takoyama’s request and a bribe of a few cute haircuts) a few quick and hot salsa songs they’d made recently. One of those salsa songs was playing now, and Takoyama just had to get up and dance to it.

He’s glad this is a semi-formal event. Takoyama loves to dress up, and the purple patterned dress he decided on agrees with him. He has a penchant for floor-length garments. His mask matches his dress, and honestly, he feels as pretty as a peacock. Or perhaps just a very stylish octopus.

After the song ended, Takoyama curtsied and Moosesha bowed, both laughing a bit at the absurdity. They went back to dancing normally to a rock song, the octopus smiling involuntarily whenever Katy hit one of those high notes she was known for. They drifted away from each other slowly, and after a while, he couldn’t spot Moosesha anymore. He looked around while swaying to the beat and spotted her talking to her sister. He could tell it was her because they’re both built similarly and wore similar dark blue masks. Twins twinning. That’s fine! Takoyama knows more people. Sure, he doesn’t have many _friends,_ but pretty much everyone enters the salon at some point or another, and everyone knows his silly smiling face.

He waves at a couple of people that he knows. Like Miss Sunny Funny in her pretty pink mask! She comes in sometimes to keep her petals orderly. It’s fun sometimes to explain to other customers why he has a pair of pruning shears right next to his straight razor. She’s a sweet girl, but she also seems preoccupied talking to one of her friends. He can’t recognize her with her mask on, but he’s sure he’s seen her before.

Takoyama circles back around to meet up with Moosesha. He waves at all the same people again, plus some new faces that he may not exactly recognize. The music picks up and swells again and dancers begin dancing in pairs to the energetic beat. Takoyama has never been one to miss a dancing bandwagon, and twirls by himself for a while before finding someone similarly alone. He doesn’t know this person, with purple arms and a face hidden behind what appears to be a ski mask, but he grabs two of their hands and begins to lead them in a tango.

“Whoa-!” His dance partner is a bit clumsy on his feet, obviously not expecting to be partnered up so abruptly. Takoyama just laughs and swishes his dress a bit, having a bit too much fun to be apologetic.

“I like your mask,” Takoyama says. His partner seems to get his footing and twirls the hairdresser in a little circle. They chuckle sheepishly. “My friend said I just had to wear a mask; I didn’t know it was gonna get so intricate. I like yours too.” Takoyama laughs again, a bit coy. This person seemed a bit silly, or perhaps just not used to parties. He thought it was cute.

He puts his hands on his dance partner’s shoulders and is surprised to feel a swish of some of the softest hair he’s ever felt graze the back of his blue hand. He peers behind the stranger to find a shock of deep brown hair loose from the back of the ski mask. Pretty, shiny hair. It’s honestly admirable. And he’s very sure this person has never walked into the salon a day in their lives! He’s a bit jealous. He’s got to find out who the competition is and offer better prices.

“What’s up, huh?” His concentration, brought on from years of salon work, is broken. “Hm? Oh, nothing. Just admiring,” He says, grinning. The stranger laughs again. The energy in the room seems to have changed, at least for Takoyama. The music slows down a tiny bit, almost imperceptibly, and his hands feel warm on the stranger’s dark blue tuxedo.

“Dip me?” They comply, and four arms move lower on Takoyama’s back and waist, lowering him in a move that feels almost suave. They lean closer to him, eyes locked, gazes trading electricity. The stranger closes his eyes, and Takoyama follows suit…

And somehow lands up on the floor. His eyes fly open. The stranger stares down at the hairdresser, almost frozen. They look petrified. Takoyama slowly picks himself from the floor, and he couldn’t explain to himself why he’s giggling like he’s still in high school. He grabs the stranger’s hand. “At least you didn’t wear a mask from a Halloween store,” He says, “That would have been very tragic.”

Slowly, the stranger brings Takoyama’s hand to their mouth, kisses it, and lets go. They look apologetic as they flee, and before long they’re lost in the crowd of friends and strangers. Takoyama touches the back of his hand, stunned, as the song slowly dips to a close.

“Thank you, everybody! We’ve been MilkCan! Goodnight!”


	2. The Plan With The Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parappa has a plan to get Guru Ant and Takoyama introduced to each other. Thing is, he doesn't think he can do it alone. So why not get all the girls together to help him?  
Oh.  
Sunny really meant all the girls, huh?

Guru Ant wasn’t eating, which was odd for him. As Parappa’s “roomie,” he usually took whatever free food he could get under the premise of the house being just as equally his. Pinto was moving her food around her fork and making vrooming noises. She’s been doing this ever since Papa Parappa stopped doing it for her. Sometimes it drove Parappa crazy, but today he was way more concerned about Guru Ant than his sister’s antics. The bug was currently picking at his rice with chopsticks as if Parappa hadn’t spent weeks teaching him how to use them. 

“Ohhkay Teacher,” Parappa sighs, pushing out his chair and standing up, “Do you want to talk about it?”

The two move outside, sitting on the front steps with their plates. “So, what’s been buggin’ you? Uh, no pun intended. You’ve been acting weird ever since that party at Club Fun.”

The micro master exhales, almost wistfully, and sets his plate on the step beside him. “Nothing’s wrong, lil man. It’s… kinda the opposite. I met someone there.” 

“What!!” Parappa jumps up, knocking the plate from his lap in his excitement. “You met someone, like,  _ someone _ someone? Like someone you like?” Guru Ant nods uncertainly, a bit confused at the teenager’s sudden burst of energy. “Oh, that’s awesome! Who are they? Do I know ‘em?” The bug scratches his head in thought. “Not sure. Maybe you do. They were just… Man, Parappa, they were really somethin’.” His voice sounded a bit dreamy, and Parappa really couldn’t help but smile. “Somethin’, huh?”

He sits back down and listens to Guru Ant’s recount of the night. He talked about the stranger’s blue hand, which he kissed, and their kind eyes, the blue tentacles that he wanted to touch (he didn’t want to be rude, however), and the small trill that accompanied some of their words. Paappa was impressed with his initiative; he never knew the guy to do much of anything by himself. But more than that, he’s excited, because he knows who that stranger is!

“Oh, that’s Takoyama! He’s one of my teachers too. He runs the hair salon in town, he’s super cool, pretty much everyone loves him. Especially the girls, cus, you know, he’s good at doing their hair.” Parappa’s experience with the hairdresser hadn’t been the best. Almost every time he crosses paths with Takoyama, he seems to do something that causes the unpredictable guy to turn into his “Red” mode. He isn’t exactly mean in this mode, but he can be a bit more aggressive than what Parappa’s used to. 

“Oh, everyone, huh.” The Guru deflates a little bit, and he stares down at the steps in thought. Or he’s just sulking. Parappa joins him in introspection. It’s obvious that his teacher really wants to get to know Takoyama, but it’s hard to do without vying for his attention at the salon. And Parappa doesn’t want to directly get involved, because he might do something to make Takoyama go Red…

“Hey! I know!” Parappa stands up again, pounding his fist into the palm of his other hand. “Just stay right here, I have an idea!” He sprints into the house, heading immediately for the house phone in the hallway. He calls a number and waits.

He hears the click that means someone has picked up. “Hello?” 

“Hi, Sunny!” Almost immediately a dopey smile crosses Parappa’s face, and he blushes a bit. “Uh, how are you doing? Sorry for calling so late, were you having dinner?” The flower girl’s gentle laughter warmed his heart. “I’m doing good, thank you! And it’s not that late. What’s going on? Are we going to Club Fun tonight?” Parappa checked his brain to make sure he wasn’t missing a predetermined date. After being sure that he wasn’t, he shook his head, before remembering Sunny couldn’t see him. “Nah. I got a problem, and I think you could help me. Could you get the girls together and meet me tomorrow at Takoyama’s hair salon around noon?” 

Sunny and Parappa were the first to arrive and sat at a bench a little way away from the bustling hair salon. The MilkCan girls were next to arrive, surprising given their penchant for being late. Lammy and Katy were holding hands, and Ma-San held her drumsticks. The mouse girl warbled her greetings at Sunny, who pat the small space next to her. Ma-San sat down.

“Man, sometimes I wish I was that small,” Katy said. ‘Hey, Parappa, ladies first?” Parappa sighed rather dramatically and gave up his seat for his friend, who smiled sweetly and sat. “Thanks!” 

“Is this everyone, Sunny?” She tilts her head up to look at her romantic interest. “Of course not! You said to invite all the girls, so—Oh! Hi, Paula!” Sunny waves frantically at her best friend, who walks over to the group with her hands in her pockets. “Hi, Sunny. What’s all this about, anyway?” Sunny Funny glanced at Parappa, indicating that she didn’t know that much to begin with. “Ask him. Oh, there they are! Those are the last girls.” 

One of the girls Parappa recognized immediately. A little cute pink bear by the name of Sweety Bancha waves at Parappa, who waves back. She was nice, and her unique variant of charm would help him out with his plan. She was holding hands with a person that Parappa barely recognized. Lammy hid behind the bench as if that could prevent her from being seen. “Oh, no.” Parappa had a bad feeling about that.

“Hi Sweety! Hi Rammy!” Katy waved the two over, which did nothing to placate her anxious partner. “She’s just going to get mad,” Lammy protested. Sweety squeaked and ran ahead, excited to see her friends. “Sunny! Katy! Paula! Hi!” She hugs Sunny as soon as she could, causing the other girl to laugh and pat the top of her head. “Hi Sweety!” 

“What? I don’t get a hug?” Paula feigned hurt, and the short girl hugged her too. “So, what are we doing?” Everyone glanced at Parappa, who took a deep breath. “Well-“

“Well! If it isn’t the doppelgänger!” Rammy’s sneering voice broke the peaceful scene, and Lammy sighed, standing. “Hi, Rammy.” She waved, a bit meek, and the grey-toned guitarist crossed her arms and looked away. “If you didn’t want to come, Rammy, you shouldn’t have come,” Katy said, imitating Rammy’s skulking posture. The ram girl looks hesitantly at Katy, before glancing at Sweety, who was currently talking to Parappa. Or, rather, talking at Parappa. She held his hands as she excused Rammy for her rude behavior. “I didn’t. She was going, though, so…”

“Aww! That’s so sweet, Rammy,” Sunny says, “I’m sure she’d be glad to hear that you came to help because of her.”

“She’s never gonna hear it!” Rammy huffs and sits down on the concrete near the bench, the spitting image of a sulking teenager. Upon seeing that her friend has calmed down, Sweetie abruptly stops chatting at Parappa and sits down on Rammy, who pushes her off. She settles down next to her friend, unfazed, and curls into her side. “Can I please explain my plan now?” Parappa sounded a bit exasperated. “He’s gonna be here any minute!”

Lammy raises a hand, and Parappa points at her. “Who’s gonna be here?” 

Parappa starts pacing, arms behind his back like he’s a military leader. “Guru Ant. You know, that guy who helped us get big again?” Katy and Lammy nodded, while everyone else looked a bit confused. “He’s got a crush on Takoyama, and I wanna help him! Mostly ‘cus this is the most motivated I’ve ever seen him and I want him to, I dunno, go for it! I think if he believes in himself he can do it! And that’s where you come in!” He sweeps his hands at his crowd of friends. “Takoyama likes all of you, and more importantly, I don’t think any of you have ever made him go Red. So can you please formally introduce them?”

Ma-San was the first to speak up, surprisingly. She warbled her assent, and Katy and Lammy nodded in agreement. Katy and Lammy barely shared one brain cell between them, so when Ma-San said yes, they were typically inclined to agree. 

Sweety piped up next. “Well, I dunno most of the words you just said. Well, I mean I know them, but not in the order that you said them, but I like seeing you try to make something work! So we’ll give it all we’ve got, Parappa! Right, Rammy?” The hellish guitarist sighed and acquiesced, nodding. “Sure thing, Bancha.” Sweety raises both of her fists in triumph, barely avoiding Rammy’s face. “Yay!” 

“You already know I’m in. I need a haircut anyway,” Paula says. Sunny remains silent. Her mouth is turned down in a quiet frown, and she’s tapping a finger to her chin in thought. “It’s going to be hard to do it when he’s working,” She muses quietly. “We’re going to need to distract him from the hair, which is going to be hard, especially without making him upset.” Everyone agrees with that. “Well, apparently he met Guru at that fun Masquerade party at Club Fun,” Parappa explains, “And they had a moment or something? I dunno.”

Sweety clasps her hands together. “Aw, that’s so romantic! Maybe if I’d been there I would have met The One just like that.” 

“I don’t like falling in love with someone whose face I can’t see,” Paula mumbles. “Anyways, yeah, that party was fun. I remember seeing him there too. Maybe I could distract him that way?” 

“We should have a Plan B. Oh, t’s not like I don’t trust your charisma, Paula,” Sunny says quickly, “But just in case-“

Ma-San chitters a bit and points. Parappa turns to look and nearly jumped in surprise. “He’s here! Okay, okay, uh, Paula, Sunny, Sweety, and Rammy, you go and try to get Takoyama’s attention! Sweety, if things go really good or bad come out and tell us, I guess. We’ll stay here and get Guru Ant ready.”

“Yessir!” Sweety takes Rammy’s hand and leads the charge, Paula and Sunny catching up quickly. The MilkCan girls glance at each other, before giving Parappa the thumbs up. “We’ve got this, Parappa.” Katy’s reassurance makes the rapping dog smile. “Thanks, Katy.” 


	3. Takoyama's Salon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wrings all his hands together in a jumbled mess, and in spite of herself, Lammy smiles. She understands precisely what the insect is feeling.

“Okay, and what time? Perfect, I’ll see you then!” Takoyama was answering the phone and cutting hair at the same time, which seemed to get on the nerves of his current client, Joe Chin. It was obvious that the latter wanted to build up a repertoire with the salon worker, and he was not allowing that to happen. Takoyama set his phone down and moved away from Joe, writing something down in a planner before going back to snipping hair with ardent fervor. 

“So, hairdresser,” Joe started, but was quickly cut off by Paula and company entering the shop. 

“Hello and welcome to Peluquería de Takoyama,” the octopus says without looking up. Joe looks pretty miffed, but the girls pay him no mind. “Takoyama!” Sunny Funny calls out, and he looks over for a split second, grinning and waving in their direction. 

“Good afternoon, Sunny!” He goes back to cutting quickly, spinning Joe in his chair to reach the front of his hair. “I don’t remember you having an appointment today, or are you here to let me know your father can’t make it tomorrow?” 

Sunny didn’t even know her dad went to the salon, but it made sense; he had to get his grass trimmed to stay in the military, of course! “No, no, I don’t have an appointment, I just wanted to chat if that’s okay?” 

Takoyama spins Joe in the chair again, and now he’s facing Sunny. He winks, and she looks away. “Miss Sunny Funny! Do you like my new haircut?” He motions to his nearly-complete hairdo. “Er, it’s nice, yes,” She says absently. 

Paula steps up to bat. “Hey! I wanted to schedule an appointment, though. This was just my look for the Masquerade Party at Club Fun,” she says, playing with a strand of hair. “Oh, yes, I remember seeing you!” Takoyama steps back to admire his work. “Okay, Mister Chin, you are good to go.” Joe looks at himself in the mirror for a bit too long, admiring from practically every angle. “This will suffice,” He says, handing Takoyama the money he owes him. No tip, as per usual. Joe Chin was a pretty crummy customer overall. He didn’t even give the hairdresser compliments, which was practically his currency of choice.

Instead of leaving the shop, Joe goes to sit on one of the sofas in the waiting area, pretending to read a magazine. Takoyama moves away from his workstation to put the money away. Paula and Sweety follow while Sunny and Rammy stay behind. 

Sweety tries to strike up a conversation this time. “Did you like the dance, Mister Takoyama?” The octopus stoops down to the little safe in his shop as he nods, smiling fondly. “I made some wonderful memories there,” He says, sounding like his heads are even further in the clouds than normal. Sweety resists the urge to go “Aww,” as she would usually do. 

Takoyama stands, moving back towards his work station. “But I don’t have time to talk about that now,” He tuts, mostly at himself. “I’ve got work to do! But I would like to gossip in my downtime. I’ve got a small break in thirty minutes if you’d like to stick around-“ 

Before the trio can make it back to the main area of the salon, they hear a loud, sickening smashing sound. “Get lost!” That was Rammy’s voice, and Sweety ran ahead, concern lacing her normally soft features.

Rammy was standing above Joe Chin, grabbing onto the collar of his polo shirt. His meticulously styled hair was disheveled, and one of the mirrors in the salon had broken. Rammy’s right hand looked swollen. Sunny was standing with her hands covering her mouth, looking near tears. Patrons were crowded around the group, looking to see if a fight were brewing. A broken flip phone lay near Rammy’s foot.

“What’s going on! Rammy, let him go!” Sweety stamped her foot in an attempt to be intimidating. Rammy reluctantly let go of the man’s shirt, who immediately began threatening to sue her for damage to his cellular device.

“Yeah, yeah, and I’ll put you in prison for being creepy!” She clenched her good hand into a fist as if she were going to punch him, but Sweety stepped in the way. “What are you doing?”

“He started it! He was being creepy towards Sunny! He kept bragging about having a cell phone and asking her to put his number in it and if he looked at her face instead of his own he would know that she was uncomfortable! So I told him to cut it out and he told me to mind my business, and-“ 

“If she was uncomfortable, she would have told me,” Joe protested, and Rammy glared at him. Sweety stamped her foot again. “We’re on a mission, Rammy! We don’t have time to put rude boys through mirrors!”

“I didn’t put him through the mirror! I punched the mirror so I wouldn’t punch him!”

Paula and Takoyama finally caught up to Sweety. The hairdresser’s audible gasp cut off the bickering teenagers. “Look at what you’ve done!” He put his hands on his face and then quickly ran them through the tentacles on top of his head. “It’s going to cost me a fortune to get this replaced!” Takoyama was beginning to see red, and his voice became louder and a bit lower-pitched. His skin began to tint purple, growing deeper and deeper violet, then violet-red, and then fully red. The tentacles atop his head began to stand up on end, moving sporadically as if he were Medusa. He was still ranting, his tone shifting from concerned to furious. People begin to scurry out of the shop, mumbling about how they’d call to set up another appointment tomorrow. Joe quickly made hs leave, not bothering to pick up his smashed phone.

“Uh… I think this is what Parappa said by really really bad so I’m going to go get him,” Sweety says. However, before she has a chance to move, Takoyama lunges for her. Rammy dives in between the two, and he seizes her, trapping her in one of his salon chairs. “What’s going on!?” Paula sounded terrified, and Rammy motioned towards the exit. “Bancha, go get help. Now!” The pink bear nodded and swiftly joined the stream of people leaving the shop, her short stature allowing her to blend in better. Paula tried to follow but was quickly caught by the manic hairdresser as well. As soon as the hairdresser turned his back, Sunny hid under a counter.

“Oh, Parappa, I hope you come soon…”

* * *

Guru Ant approaches the group. He recognizes Parappa first, and then Ma-San. His defenses were immediately raised. That’s the girl who kept making him bigger than the size he preferred. He still isn’t back to that size, but he’s learning to cope with no longer being the leader of his people and instead living in a basement. 

“Oh, hey,” He waves at Parappa and the MilkCan girls. Ma-San nods at him ominously, and he looks away, towards the salon. He clears his throat. “So what are we doing here?” 

“Well, I know you liked Takoyama, so I wanted to introduce you two! He’s right in there.” The Guru’s face paled. “Parappa, you can’t just spring this on a brother. I am  _ not  _ ready.” He wrings all his hands together in a jumbled mess, and in spite of herself, Lammy smiles. She understands precisely what the insect is feeling. 

She moves away from her friends and towards Guru Ant. “Um, I know it’s hard to put yourself out there,” she says, trying to avoid fidgeting, “but sometimes it’s worth it. Even if, uh, you don’t get what you want, you learn how to do things you never thought you could do. And sometimes, well, it helps me to imagine that things that scare me are my guitar. Maybe you have something like that to help you? Um… sorry. I just talked a lot.”

Guru Ant was touched. He didn’t know how much he needed to hear advice from someone who felt the same things that he did. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and tried to pretend that he was small and in charge instead of big and helpless. He took a breath and opened his eyes. “That’s really mature, actually. Thanks. You were the guitarist at Club Fun, right? You play good.” 

Lammy grinned at the compliment. “It’s what I do best. You just have to know what you do best.” Guru Ant doesn’t know what he does best, but he can figure it out, right? 

Slowly, people began filtering out of the hair salon. Ma-San points this out to Katy, who stands up and squints. “Huh, that’s odd. Maybe he was so excited he made everyone leave for the day.” The mouse girl shook her head, knowing that wasn’t likely. Sweety sprinted out ahead of the crowd and waved frantically at the group with both arms. “Code Red!” She yells. Although they hadn’t discussed a code system before, Parappa knew exactly what that meant. “Oh, no. Teacher, wait here.”


	4. Where It Gets Silly (In True Parappa Fashion)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takoyama flies off the handle and Rammy gets the snip of a lifetime. Who can fix the situation other than a GNC military instructor and best friend?

Parappa runs into the salon, bumping into the multitudes of people who were exiting. “Sorry, oops, ‘scuse me,” He mumbled as he tries to get in. 

He’s met with the sight of Takoyama menacing two of his friends with the largest pair of scissors he’s ever seen. “You first,” He’s saying to Rammy. “Maybe a bowl cut will be enough to compensate for the damage to my salon!” Paula audibly gasped in horror. “Oh, please have mercy!” At first, Parappa thought she was joking, but her voice is so full of terror that there’s no way she could be faking it. Before Takoyama spots the boy, he ducks down behind a counter. 

He’s met with a yellow hand covering his mouth. He jumps about a foot in the air but doesn’t make a sound. He turns around, and there’s Sunny! She hugs him, before whispering, barely audible. “What are we going to do?” Parappa began looking around the salon for the phone line. Aha, there it was! A bit closer to Takoyama than he would like, but if he can just remember Instructor Moosesha’s number, she can put a stop to it. But what was it again?

“I’m gonna call Instructor Moosesha. She’ll know what to do. Stay here, Sunny.” She slowly lets go of him, solemn. “I’ll still like you even if you get a bad haircut. Be careful, Parappa.” 

“Thanks.” He smiles a bit at the absurdity of the situation. The snipping sound stopped. Parappa and Sunny covered each other’s mouths, barely daring to breathe. The snipping started up again, and relief crossed both of their faces. 

He begins sneaking towards the phone, stills struggling to remember the number for the military instructor. Takoyama is still snipping those scissors threateningly. “First I need a bowl,” he says, abruptly turning around to find Parappa mid-sneak. As quick as anything, the teenage dog lunges for the phone and dials the first number he can think of. Sunny’s home phone, and the number for General Potter. As soon as he hears that someone-picked-up-click, he yells, “Get Moosesha! The hair salon! It’s an emergency!” He’s forced to let go of the phone as Takoyama picks him up and tosses him unceremoniously in another salon chair. 

“Now we’re finally going to see what’s under that hat of yours!” 

* * *

Sweety was crying as she explained the story quickly to the MilkCan girls and Guru Ant. Lammy began to panic, and Katy tried to calm her down by rubbing her back. “I remember those terrible expanding afros,” Lammy lamented, “Poor Paula. Poor Parappa!”

“And Rammy,” Sweety says, her head in her hands. “Oh, what are we going to do?”

Ma-San stood up and jumped down from the bench, clicking her drumsticks together. She made a sound that was akin to a battle cry. Lammy looked unsure. “Are you sure we can take him? I don’t want to get my hair styled like that again.”

“It doesn’t matter if we can, Lams,” Katy says, "But we have to try! We can’t leave our friends in there. Sweety, you don’t have to go back in if you don’t want to.” 

Sweety wiped her eyes and shook her head. “No, I have to! Rammy sacrificed her sense of style so that I could remain cute! I have to do to same for her.” Ma-San reached out for her hand. Soon all the girls were holding hands. Sweety looked over to Guru Ant.

“Sometimes we have to see the worst in the people we like so we can appreciate them at their best,” She says. “Now is that time. Are you ready?” She held out her free hand.

Guru Ant was not ready. But he was going. He took the small girl’s hand and sighed. “Today just keeps getting weirder and weirder.” The five started slowly and nervously heading for the salon, but before they could make it, a huge olive Jeep sped through the streets and parked outside of the salon. They stopped in their tracks. Ma-San let go of Sweety’s hand and cautiously moved forward. The girls trusted her to protect them.

Instructor Moosesha exited the Jeep. She slammed the door and rushed into the salon. She was a woman on a mission, paying no attention to the five people she’d never seen before slowly creeping towards the salon. Out of curiosity, they followed her. 

"Takoyama!" The instructor's booming voice startled the hairdresser, who immediately dropped his pair of scissors. Sweety gasped at the sight in front of her. Rammy had a bowl cut, and there was no way she could even pretend that it looked good. At least Takoyama took the time to make it an even cut, but  _ still! _ Paula's eyes were wide and she looked paler than normal, horrified that she was going to be next.

Guru Ant could hardly believe his eyes. The person he found himself thinking about more often than not had two different modes, and this one was terrifying. He'd fallen to the back of the group without realizing it.

As swift as anything, Moosesha approached Takoyama and held him tight, slowly lowering him to the ground. He struggled a bit, complaining like a kid being told he can't have something.

"Just give him a minute," She says to the children trapped in the chairs, her tone almost apologetic. Sweety and the MilkCan girls set to freeing their friends, while the Guru simply stood there, stunned.

Slowly, Takoyama began reverting from his red state back to his blue one. He looked around blearily, confused. After regaining his bearings, he smiled at his friend, who slowly released him. "Sha-Sha! Hi! What are you doing here?" He gave her a small hug, and stood up, looking around the shop.

"Oh, no. What happened here?" Instead of sounding as angry as he did before, he merely sounded crestfallen. Paula and Rammy looked at each other, eyebrows raised. "He doesn't remember?" Paula whispered, and Rammy shrugged, before taking the bowl off her head and throwing it on the ground, fully revealing her terrible hairstyle. Ma-San and Katy held back snickers, while Parappa looked guilty. "She took the fall for me."

Takoyama stared at Rammy, disgust evident on his face. "Oh, goodness, who are you? You simply must sit down, I need to fix... whatever that is on your head."

Rammy shook her head and shoved her hands in her pockets. "No, I think I can deal with it on my own," she says, her voice laced with venom. She shoves past her "friends" towards the exit, Sweety hot on her heels, trying to calm her down. 'If your hair starts spinning or expanding or anything, come to the military base immediately," Moosesha calls after the two. The door to the salon slams and the remaining people stand there in silence.

"I still think she looked adora _ bowl,"  _ Parappa says, and Lammy giggles a bit. "That's mean, Parappa. I hope she gets it fixed."

A small, mellifluous voice pipes up. "Is it safe to come out now?"

Parappa sprints behind the counter and helps Sunny stand up. "Oh, thank goodness, my legs were starting to fall asleep."

Takoyama grabbed a broom and began sweeping the bits of glass and other shrapnel from the salon floor, humming a bit to himself, completely unaware of the chaos that he'd caused. "Well, I guess this is as good of a time as any," Parappa glanced back to Guru Ant. "Ready to introduce yourself?"


	5. Fixing The Salon

Guru Ant was _ not _ready to introduce himself. He's pretty sure he just witnessed intervention from the FBI, and he only has an inkling about what went on in the salon. Not only that, but he doesn't want Takoyama to try and cut his hair; that wouldn't end well for anyone. He tries to imagine that he is small again and that this is his turf and Takoyama wasn't a threat to his heart or his physical wellbeing. He takes a small step forward, and the girls smile their support. He clears his throat to get the hairdresser's attention. He stops sweeping and looks up at the insect with mismatched eyes. They were really pretty eyes, he remembers them through the mask and tells himself he can deal with a bit of insecurity or redness or whatever happened today if it meant he got to talk to this man.

"Uh, hey," He says, and the hairdresser's eyes widen, he recognizes that voice. "Hi," he says back. Guru Ant takes another step forward, but Takoyama suddenly flails his arms. "Stop!" He stops moving.

"Sorry. Glass on the floor. I don't want you to hurt yourself. The store isn't usually this much of a mess," He rambles a bit, moving the broom in a back and forth motion but not looking at what he's doing. Instructor Moosesha glances between the two, before turning to the teenagers and pointing towards the door. Everyone gives them some space, heading outside to fill Moosesha in about the events that happened for her report.

Takoyama looks back down at the ground, sweeping the fragments into a neat pile. "What's your name?"

"Uh, where I come from we didn't have names. Everyone just calls me Guru Ant. Yours is Takoyama, right?” The hairdresser nods, a bit less energetic than he usually was. "It is. Can you hand me that dustpan? It's against the wall over there." Guru Ant goes to seek out the item and hands it to Takoyama once he finds it. "I can help you clean up if you'd like." 

Takoyama smiles. "Really? Thank you. Usually, I have to do it by myself." He made Takoyama smile! He feels a little more confident as he stoops down, holding the dustpan for the hairdresser to sweep the shards into. Unfortunately, he holds it wrong, and a few of the shards catch the skin on his hands.

"Oh no! You're bleeding. I'm sorry, I should have been more careful, I’m just really tired all of a sudden." Guru Ant holds up a hand. “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” He stands up again and goes to toss out the glass shards. Takoyama sets down his broom and begins walking towards the back area of his salon. He takes his first aid kit down from the wall. Moosesha got it for him becuase he’s so accident-prone. He takes it back to Guru Ant and beckons him to sit down in a salon chair. “I’m teling you, it’s fine,” Guru Ant protests, but sits down anyways and lets the hairdresserr tend to his hand. 

After that’s finished, they both turn towards the broken mirror. Takoyama shakes his head solemly. “What to do?” Guru Ant surveys the scenes too. There’s a huge crack in the middle of the mirror that spiders outward. It looked unfixable. “Well, what d’you got to work with?” 

The hairdresser took him to the backroom. The front part of this room was pretty organized, counters covered with tools for cutting and dying different textures of hair as well as basic first aid and fire safety supplies, but the back of the room was cluttered with miscellany.

The duo starts rummaging through the junk, Guru Ant eventually finding a hammer, nails, and a dusty sheet that makes Takoyama sneeze. “You can tack this over the mirror ‘till you can get someone to replace it.” The octopus nods, ankle-deep in things he doesn’t remember buying. “I really should clean up back here,” he sighs, crossing his arms and looking around with contempt. “I could put more important things here if I stopped using it as storage.”

“Well, hey, I could help you with that, too,” Guru Ant says, and Takoyama stares at him for a bit too long. “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that!” The octopus sounds worried and fidgets a bit. “You helping me clean up today is more than enough.” 

They fall into silence, more awkward than comfortable. Takoyama slowly starts making his way back to the front of the shop, and Guru Ant follows, trying not to let anxious thoughts overwhelm his mind. Maybe Takoyama didn’t want to spend time with him. Or perhaps he didn’t want Guru Ant to feel taken advantage of. Most likely it’s the first one, though. Takoyama’s practically famous in Parappatown. There’s no way he’d want to hang out with some nobody that’s only popular among small bugs that seemed so insignificant nowadays.

Takoyama takes the sheet and turns towards the salon mirror. He’s a bit too short to reach the top of the mirror. He stares at it for a while, before shrugging and attempting to climb the salon counters. He manages to stand up, leaning a bit so he’s not in the sink. Guru Ant stood behind him, worried. “Be careful,” He says. The hairstylist smiles, and the Guru can see it reflected in the mirror. “I will be! Hand me the hammer and nails, please?”

It looks like some sort of Cirque de Soliel balancing act. He held the sheet in one hand, covering the corner above the mirror. He held two nails in his mouth and the hammer in his other hand. Slowly, Takoyama tries manuevering the nail from his mouth to the sheet, but instead drops the nails in the sink. He stoops down to pick them up, but severely overestminates the amount of space available on the countertop in terms of width. Without a suface to grab onto, he falls backwards, directly onto the insect behind him. 

“Oof.” Guru Ant grunted, and Takoyama quickly scrambled from atop him. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, you keep getting hurt, this is a disaster!” He quickly runs his hands through the tentacles on his head, before kneeling down next to his company. “Are you alright? Do I need to take you to the hospital?” Guru Ant can’t help but chuckle as he sits up. “Relax, you’re not that heavy. I’m fine.” The hairdresser breathes an obvoius sigh of relief. “I understand if you want to leave again. I keep messing up.”

Again? “Wait, waht do you mean?” Takoyama blinks at him like he’s stupid. “Well, ah, that night, at Club Fun, you…” Realization struck Guru Ant, and he really wanted to disappear. “But I don’t blame you,” Takoyama kept rambling, “I was really forward and honestly I’m trying to work on my boundary issues and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but you weren’t dancing and it was a good song and you looked interesting, you know, like good company…”

Guru Ant really didn’t know how or when to interrupt the octopus’ ramblings, so he just let him go on and on until he ran out of steam. “...so if you want to leave again I very much understand.” He exhales dramatically, as if he were going to pass out from all the blathering he did. 

“I’m not gonna leave. You… weren’t why I left, Takoyama.” The hairdresser tilts his head, as if expecting more information, but didn’t recieve any. After a moment of awkward silence, Takoyama smiles. “At least you caught me this time when I fell.” 

Normally, Guru Ant wuld be mortified, but he catches the hint of teasing in Takoyama’s voiice, and laughs instead. “Yeah. That’s actually kind of dangerous, though. Maybe we should find a different way to put this up that won’t get you hurt, huh?” 

After finding a step stool and enough muscle between the two of them to tack the sheet over the broken mirror, Takoyama puts a _ Hi, My Name Is ___! _ Sticker on the sheet and writes _ Out Of Order _ in tiny letters in the space provided. Guru Ant can’t help but laugh at that. 

The two set to cleaning up the rest of the shop. Takoyama plays some of the musc he likes from his radio as he teaches Guru Ant how to sanitize the tools he uses on people’s hair. They sweep and mop the entire floor, Takoyama dancing with the broom and Guru Ant eventually joining in with the mop. Before they know it, they’re dancng together, not quite as intimate as the first time they met, but still having fun. 

They stay at the closed salon quite late into the night, even after they finish tidying up. They’re having fun, and neither man finds that they really want to leave. After a while, however, Takoyama finds himself yawning, having spent quite a lot of energy during the day. The two exit the shop and Takoyama rolls down the gate that protects his shop during the night. 

“Thank you so much for helpng me tonight, Guru Ant,” Takoyama says. He sighs and runs a hand through his tentacles once. He seems to do that when he’s nervous or stressed, Guru Ant notices. “Now to go home and try and get in touch with all the customers I missed.” He tsks once or twice. “Rescheduling is always hard. Oh, well. Do you need a ride home?”

Guru Ant takes one look at Takoyama’s car and decides it’s far too expensive for him to even stare at for too long, much less touch with actual hands. He shakes his head. “Nah. But, uh, I had fun. Let me know if you need more help. Around the salon, I mean.”

They both smile at each other hesitantly, before Takoyama begins to head towards his car. “I’ll be sure to do that, Guru Ant,” he calls from a short distance away. Before the insect even knows what’s happened, he’s gone. 


	6. The Digits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guru Ant didn’t get the digits.
> 
> Takoyama makes the mistake of telling his best friend anything.

“Ugh, seriously?”

“Dummy!” 

“Guru Ant…”

“You missed the most important step!”

Guru Ant didn’t really expect this reaction from the girls when he told them about how last night went. Parappa had gathered everyone at the park for what he called “reconnaissance.” An extra guest jointed the girls: Parappa’s little sister, Pinto, who he was stuck babysitting that day. Even she seemed disappointed with him for some reason. Rammy and Sweety were running late, but after the events yesterday no one really expected Rammy to show up at all.

Paula stood with a hand on her hip, glaring at Guru Ant. “So you were in there, right? You had a fun time, you offered to meet up again, and you didn’t. Get. The. Digits?” He blinked. The digits? “Whazzat mean?” He starts to say, before he’s cut off by a loud gasp from the fox girl.

“Oh my God, Rammy!” Everyone turned to look at the approaching girl, who deliberately looked away from the group. Her hair was sheared on one side, a hack job of a haircut that matched the rocker girl’s aesthetic perfectly. She narrowed her eyes at the group. As if daring them to say something. Ma-San chitters, and Katy nods her head. “You look good, girl!” 

Most everyone else nods or murmurs their agreement. “Yeah, yeah,” Rammy says, brushing off their compliments and glaring at the ground. “We’re here for something else, aren't we? What’d I hear about digits?” 

“Guru Ant didn’t get Takoyama’s number, and that’s really bad when you’re trying to see someone,” Sunny Funny explains the situation to the two girls, and Sweety nods solemnly. “Oh, how are you going to see him again? Maybe you could make a hair appointment?”

The insect shook his head and a hand anxiously went up to the ponytail that fell over his shoulder. “Oh, no. I can’t cut this, sis.” Ma-San chatters again and hits her drumsticks against the ground, and Lammy nods. “Y-Yeah, we wouldn’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but, just walking into the salon m-might mean that he’ll be too busy to talk to you.”

”Or that he’ll flip out and go whacko-crazy again and give _you_ a stupid haircut,” Rammy says, crossing her arms and mumbling under her breath about stupid octopi. “That was kinda directly your fault, though,” Katy says. 

“Whatever! Just count me out of this weird planning from now on. I want nothing more to do with it.” Sweety looked crestfallen, which Rammy pointedly ignored as she stormed away. “She can be so dramatic,” the pink bear fumed. Guru Ant briefly remembers his time as a teenager and wonders if everything was so complicated then. He doesn’t think it was. Maybe it was a girl thing.

”Oh, that’s fine,” Paula says dismissively. “Pinto can replace her. And Pinto’s way cuter.” The youngest girl beams. “I know!”

Sunny smiles and holds Parappa’s hand. “Paula’s trying to say that you can count on the rest of us,” she says, “unlike Rammy, we all know what it’s like to admire someone.” She looks at Parappa, who looks away, embarrassed. 

After the “reconnaissance,” , everyone went their separate ways. The MilkCan girls, Paula, and Sweety went one direction, while Pinto, Parappa, Guru Ant, and Sunny went in another. Sunny and Parappa were holding hands, walking in front of Pinto and Guru Ant. Pinto was chatting about how elementary school was going, and asking Guru Ant if he’d seen Uee anywhere? He nodded along, but wasn’t really listening. He’s thinking about how he’s gong to make this phone call. What if Takoyama went Red because he didn’t want to be bothered at work, or maybe the offer to hang out was an empty one and he didn't want Guru Ant to talk to him ever again? So many upsetting thoughts circled around his brain, and he brought a hand to his mouth and worried at his fingers.

He felt a hand tug at one of his sleeves, and he jolted out of his thoughts. Pinto had stopped walking, and motioned for Guru Ant to come closer. The ant man stooped down. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to cut your own hair, Mister Guru,” She whispers. “You can get my hair cut. Papa was supposed to get it done before but he forgot.” 

“Really?” The young girl nodded, before suddenly starting to walk again, pulling Guru Ant along with her. “Big brother, wait up!” She calls out. Parappa suddenly stops and turns around. He was so busy chatting and laughing with his romantic interest that he didn’t notice that his little sister and mentor were getting farther and farther away. Pinto sprinted ahead, leaving the insect in the dust. He smiles. He likes the Rappas. They all have this sort of energy about them. 

Once home, Guru Ant hovered anxiously around the house phone. He paced the hallway, trying to form the sentence he’d say into the phone. “Hey, Takoyama, it’s me, wait, no,” He murmured, “What if he doesn’t know who me is?”

Pinto was playing with Uee nearby. She was tossing her lunch box friend into the air and watching her slowly hover to the ground and laughing all the while. Things were so much simpler at that age. He finally picks up the phone, dialing the number to the salon. He waits, watching the youngest Rappa giggle and play with her semi-animate friend. Things were simpler then, there’s no reason why they couldn’t be simple now.

* * *

New customers were always hard. Usually, new people only came in after causing severe damage to their hair trying to dye it at home with a box dye or giving it a really bad chop or leaving a cheap perm in for too long. This new guy was no exception; he’d tried to give himself an edge-up at home in the mirror and now he looked very silly. Takoyama was trying to fix it when the phone rang.

“Hello, Peluquería de Takoyama,” He answered, the phone tucked between his shoulder and head as he worked with both hands, “How can I help you today?” 

From the other side of the phone came a very intelligent “Uh.” If Takoyama could have tilted his head, he would have. “Hello?” He tries again, leaning in close to the back of his customer’s head. 

The person on the other end clears their throat. “Uh, hey, Takoyama? It’s, me. I mean, Guru Ant.” The octopus turns off his electric razor for a moment. In the sudden excitement that he finds himself nearly possessed by, he doesn't want to accidentally ruin his customer’s hair! He takes a breath and starts edging up the hair again, making sure he’s calm. 

“Oh, hello! How are you doing? Are you scheduling an appointment?” He hopes he doesn’t sound too excited, but he is! He is really excited.

“Not for me personally, but can you schedule an appointment for Pinto Rappa?” Oh, little Pinto! She probably needed to get her hair styled for the new semester. Primary school is rough, he remembers that much. “Of course! What about… hm, the earliest I can fit her in is in a week, I think.” He sets down his tools again and moves to his schedule. “Yes! Next week at ten, or next week at two. Which one would work for you?”

There’ s the sound of muffled talking; Guru Ant probably put his hand on the receiver. “Two.” Takoyama excitedly writes it down in his planner. Sometimes it’s hard for him to read his own handwriting, but if he writes down something that vaguely resembles letters and calls out “Ten o’clock” or something similar and someone walks up, he remembers who he had scheduled. It’s worked for him so far! “Great! I’ll see you both then,” He says.

“Wait,” The other man says. Takoyama waits.

“Uh, I’m kinda bad at remembering dates, so can you give me your number? So, you know, you can remind me.” Takoyama smiles. That’s the most transparent thing he’s ever heard, but he finds it really sweet. He relays his personal number to Guru Ant. “That’s my cell. Be sure to call, I don’t want you forgetting,” He adds. 

He hangs up the phone and goes back to doing hair, unaware that some of the patrons around the shop were beginning to gossip. Takoyama never gives out his number to customers; not only is it unprofessional, but due to his popularity around the town, his phone would be constantly buzzing! This person must be very important to him.

As soon as he gets done with work and the last customer exits the salon, Takoyama begins cleaning, as per usual. Soon after, his cell phone begins to ring. It’s a number that hasn't saved to this phone, but he picks it up anyways. “Hello,” He says, his voice a sing-song. 

“Hey,” Comes the mostly-mellow voice back. Takoyama sets down his broom and sits in a salon chair. “Oh, hello. Calling already for your reminder?” 

Guru Ant chuckles gently. “Yeah, what did I need a reminder for again?” Takoyama giggles; he can’t really help it. “Well, you’re coming by next week with Pinto. She’s getting her hair cut, and you’re talking with me so I don’t get too lonely.” 

Takoyama gets ping from his phone, a sound that means he got a text from someone. Namely, in this case it’s from Instructor Moosesha. 

_ Hey, are you feeling better from yesterday? You should come over after you’re done at your salon, I want to make sure you’re okay. _

Takoyama sighs without really thinking about it. “Hey, what’s wrong, Tako?” He smiles a little at the nickname and leans back in his chair. “It’s nothing.” 

“You sure? I’m not tryin’ to pry…” Guru Ant goes quiet. It’s kind of cute, the way he goes all nervous. Or it would be, if Takoyama was sure that it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t really sure how much to tell his new friend, and if saying the wrong thing meant losing him, he was prepared to tell him nothing at all. 

“I’m sure! Just tired after work. I stayed up really late last night rescheduling people I’d missed yesterday,” He says, phrasing the thought carefully. The other man is silent.

“Sorry. I nodded and then forgot you couldn’t see me.” Takoyama snorts a bit. “That’s cute,” He says. After a moment of comfortable silence, the octopus stands up. “Well, I have to finish cleaning up! But I’ll call you first thing tomorrow, if that’s alright?” 

“Oh, yeah, of course. I’ll be here.” 

* * *

Takoyama passes his can of Yerba mate between his hands and avoids the gaze of Instructor Moosesha. He’s trying to answer her question- “What’s the last thing you remember before your mirror broke yesterday”- And is ashamed at how hard the questions is for him. The two are seated in her dining room, silence looming over them like a shadow.

“Just try and think, Tako,” she says, though with her cadence it sounds more like an order. “Lead me through your day yesterday.” 

He takes a deep breath and turns his face to the sky, guileless eyes squinted as he tries to think. “Well, I opened the shop and people started coming in. I was working on Mr. Chin’s hair,” He frowns a bit. “He wasn’t very nice. He never called me by my name and only called me ‘hairdresser,’ and he kept mispronouncing Peluquería and told me to change the name of the shop to something he could say.” It was obvious he was becoming agitated, and Moosesha covered his hand with her own, stilling the quick movement of Takoyama’s can.

“Don’t dwell on it, Tako-Tako. Just keep going.” He complies and keep recounting his day, up until Sunny and her friends enter the shop. He immediately brightens up again. “They wanted to know how my time was at the party I went to with you! So I was going to tell them when I took a break, but then…” The smile slowly faded as he struggled the form his next sentence.

“But then I don’t really know. I’m sorry, Moosesha.” The two sat in silence for a moment. Takoyama hated having to have talks like this. He doesn’t like being a burden, especially to his friends, and most importantly he wants people to like him. He doesn’t want whatever happens when he blacks out to affect how other people view him, and whenever he snapped out of it things were always a mess. Dwelling on it just made him feel worse. He looks down at Moosesha’s dinner table.

Moosesha nods slowly after a while. “Well, this is the farthest we’ve gotten. Don’t stress about it. Just try and take it easy for the next few days, okay?” The octopus nods. “Okay, Moosesha.” 

“And, you know I’m not trying to be your mother, but... I really think you should see someone about this, Tako-Tako. Someone qualified to help you.” Takoyama absolutely refuses to meet her gaze. He doesn’t respond, and the lump that’s formed in his throat makes it hard to drink any more mate. “Well, it’s just a suggestion,” she continues. “You know, it doesn’t make you any less of a man to see someone about what’s wrong, right? I do it too.” At that, Takoyama looks up. He had no idea Moosesha was in therapy. 

“I have to, man. The military... when I was in active duty, it was hard. Sometimes I have to talk out that stuff. Just think on it, okay? You don’t have to give me an answer now.” He nods, at least agreeing to think on it. Moosesha usually knows best, but the thought of it was still scary. Really scary. He manages to speak past the feeling of emotion in his throat. “I’ll think about it.”

T he conversation slowly turns from his outburst at the salon to more personal matters. Moosesha tells a couple of anecdotes about her day at the military base, including a well-timed joke about General Potters that has mate shooting out of Takoyama’s nose with the force of his laughter.

“So…” Moosesha says, taking a very deliberate drink of her own coffee and staring down at her friend, “Who was that  _ boy  _ at your shop yesterday? Someone I should know about?” Her raised eyebrow insinuated a lot, and Takoyama blushed blue and begins to fidget with his can again. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, playing coy even as that head-in-the-clouds look begins to take over his features. “Let me refresh your memory,” Moosesha says, “the one you were all  _ up on _ , the one that’s very clearly into you.” 

Takoyama sputtered and bat his best friend on the arm. “I was  _ not _ all up on him!” Moosesha rolls her eyes. “Suuure, Tako-Tako .” He keeps hitting her arm, clearly flustered, but his little fists aren’t doing much. She’s fully prepared to let him keep doing that until he gets bored of it. She looks at him fondly. “I’m glad that you’re putting yourself out there. I’ve never seen you express interest in anyone before.” 

“Well, I could say the same for you, Sha-Sha,” the octopus says, booping her nose for emphasis. “When are you going to put yourself out there?” She shrugs, finishing her coffee before responding. “When someone comes my way, I guess. You see any pretty single women in PaRappa town? ‘Cause I sure don’t.” 

Takoyama drums his fingers against his half-empty can in thought. He did know a lot of women from daily traffic of his salon, but he really didn’t know any that were Moosehsa’s type. “I’ll keep my eye out,” He promises. 

“You do that. Anyways, I feel like you just changed the topic there.I feel like we were talking about you. Did you ask him out? What’s his name? Does he know about me? He knows if he hurts you I’ll go for his jugular, right?” 

“Uh, okay, I’ll answer those one at a time if you ask them one at a time. And what’s the jugular?” Moosesha answers his question by drawing a finger across her neck. “Oh, no! If I get a boyfriend and you kill him I’ll have a hard time mustering up the courage to get another.” Moosesha crosses her arms. “Then he better be a good one. What’s his name?”

‘Well, he told me that where he comes from they really didn’t have names. Everyone calls him Guru Ant. Because he’s an ant. And maybe he’s Sikh? I don’t know.” Moosesha narrows her eyes. A guy without a name? Suspicious. Maybe he’s on the run from the law. She’d have to look up his information. Maybe get his fingerprints. “Where  _ did _ he come from?” Takoyama shrugs.

“Please tell me you didn’t ask this guy out, Tako! You know absolutely nothing about him.” He shakes his head and holds up his hands. “I didn’t! But he helped me clean up my shop and danced with me and called me on the phone and his voice is really calming and his hands are really nice, and he danced with me- did I already say that?-“

“Okay, okay! Sheesh,” the military instructor acquiesces with a smile. “At least let me vet him first. I need to make sure he isn’t going to hurt my Tako.” She ruffles up his tentacles, and he bats at her hands. “Yes ma’am,” he says, “So long as you promise not to kill him.”

“No promises.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takoyama calls Moosesha Sha-Sha and she calls him Tako-Tako when they’re being gross mushy best friends. 
> 
> Ive got 2 other parappa things coming out: one is a. Sunny / parappa cute thing for an anon and the other is Colonel Noodle’s Homecoming!


	7. A Veteran Vets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moosesha and Guru Ant get ready to have a nice friendly conversation :)!

Moosesha sent Takoyama home rather late. Her best friend had whined about not wanting to drive home so late, but oddly enough refused her offer to stay the night, mumbling something about having to be up early to answer the phone. That’s alright, she supposes. She has to be up early herself. Not for work, but for one of her favorite extracirriculars: making sure Takoyama wasn’t about to start seeing a serial killer on a regular basis.

A guy with No Name and an Ambiguous Backstory was mysterious, but Moosesha wasn’t some sappy romantic. She was a realist. And the real part of her brain was telling her that those two things together really spelled trouble. Did he have paperwork? Social security? Finances? Could he even get a _ job _ without a name? 

Phase one of her plan was to see if anyone knew where this guy lived. (How could he get a house without a name to put on the mortgage? Or an apartment??) She didn’t have much to go on, and it was hard to act on any leads this late anyways. No one else would be up to talk to.

Well, ther ewas one guy that she knew would be up. General Potter didn’t go to bed until late most nights. He was always so busy, and Moosesha wanted to tell him to take a break, but she knew better than to give orders to a superior. Still, she decided to call him. 

The phone rang twice before someone picked up. “Hello?” Oh, it was Sunny. “What are you doing up so late, little lady?” 

“I just finished helping my dad organize some stuff, I’m really tired… Oh! I’m sorry Miss Moosesha, you probably wanted to talk to my dad. I’ll go get him.” 

Sunny was very sweet and polite, and Moosesha always felt a spark of maternal instinct when they spoke. “Wait, before I haveta disturb him, can I ask you something?”

“Yes ma’am.” Sunny yawned into the receiver. Moosesha decided to make it quick. “You know that… guy… that Takoyama was talking to yesterday? Where can I find him?” 

“Oh! That’s Mister Guru Ant—“ Her dialogue was interrupted with a tiny yawn, “He lives with the Rappas, so he’s probably there. Is Takoyama okay? I’m really worried about him… He got really scary.” Moosesha sighs. “I know. He’s okay now, though. This just happens sometimes, it rarely gets this bad. He’s a good person, but…” 

“I know,” Sunny says. “I don’t think less of him. I… don’t know if I can say the same for Rammy,” She giggles nervously, “But I know he’s good.” 

She yawns a third time, and Moosesha thinks it’s time to let her go. “Say hi to your dad for me, alright? And go to bed! No video games or television or whatever it is you kids do late at night.” 

With that, she hung up. Sunny was such a good kid. It sort of made Moosesha a bit regretful for not having kids, but she was pretty tied to her job. And Takoyama was kind of like a son. He needed a lot of attention.

So, the Rappas, huh? Moosesha wonders how she didn’t know that. It wouldn’t be too hard to pop down there and… say hello. Yes, she’d definitely do that tomorrow. 

* * *

“GURU ANT!”

Guru Ant does not know why he’s being woken up so early by Pinto, especially so early. Did he think that twice? Well, it's warranted. Who the heck wakes up at seven!? He sits up, groggy, and rubs his eyes befrore facing the little gal. “What’s up?” 

“Phone for you.” She points to the hallway, and Guru any follows her finger, though begrudgingly. He picks up the phone dangling frrom the reciever. “Uh, hey?” 

“Helloooooo!!” Comes the chipper reply, and almost immediately Guru Ant doesn’t feel tired anymore. “Oh, hey! You said you’d call. What’s up?”

“Oh, well, I’m just getting ready today,” Takoyama replies. “Have you eaten yet? I just had cereal.” Guru Ant scratches the top of his head. “Uh, I just woke up, actually.” He couldn’t imagine already being up and at ‘em at seven a.m, with breakfast eaten and everything. Ten was really the earliest he dared open his eyes.

“Oh no! I’m sorry, did I wake you? I was just excited to talk to you before I went to work.” 

“What, no, you’re fine! I mean, I like talking to you more than I like sleeping, so…” That was probably really cheesy and dumb, but it just sort of came out and Guru Ant didn’t really have any control over it. “Oh! Well, um, I like talking to you too.” 

Guru Ant leans against the wall and stares at his hands as he holds the phone. “Uh, good. We should talk more often.” 

“Well, then why don’t I take you to dinner after work? So we can talk then too.” Takoyama just asked him on a date. That’s definitely a date, right? Or maybe he shouldn’t read into it too much. But it sounded like a date. 

“Oh, yeah, of course! I’d love that, Tako. What time should I drop by the shop?” 

“Well, I need to get ready afterwards, silly. I can’t go covered in hair. How about I come get you at eight?” Was Guru Ant gonna have to Put A Lot Of Effort Into His Appearance for this? “Okay, sure. I’m at Parappa’s place, if you know where that is-“

There was a knock at the front door, and Pinto’s excited little voice: “I got it, Papa!” Hm, visitors. Hopefully Guru Ant wouldn’t have to let go of the phone anytime soon.

“Yes, I know where that is! Oh, I’m so excited now. Today really couldn’t go by fast enough!” Gosh, he was so cute. Guru Ant really appreciated his energy. It helped to wake him up as well. 

“GURU ANT!” Pinto again. The insect puts his hand on the reciever and yells back, “Yeah?” 

“Visitor for you!”

“Huh?” Guru Ant couldn’t stop himself from exclaiming in surprise. He moves the phone back to his ear. “Oh, uh, I gotta let you go, Tako. I’ll— I’ll see you tonight.” He couldn’t stop the excitement in his voice, and the hairdresser laughed brightly. “Great! I’ll see you!” He hung up with a click. 

Visitors. He never had visitors before, and he doesn’t know who would even be visting him except for Takoyama. Anticipation began to rise in his stomach, and he put the phone back on the receiver before going to see who this visitor was.

“Whoa!” He heard a rather gruff voice come from the living room, one he couldnt quite identify, and then a loud “SISTA MOOSESHA!” Which definitely came from Parappa. He slowly entered the living room, not used to all this yelling so early in the morning. 

He saw the woman from yesterday swinging Parappa around like he weighed nothing. The boy was laughing, obviously having fun. She set him down less-than-gently and ruffled his hair up. “We didn’t get much of a chance to talk yesterday, Raps. What’s the word?” 

“Oh! Well Sunny got another gig, I’m real proud of her...” He got the same look on his face he always got when he mentioned Sunny Funny. “She’s super good at singing, she’s gonna do great...Oh! It’s gonna be on TV too! On the news!” He could barely contain his excitement, which led to a variety of dog-like actions, such as his ears attempting to perk up, only to be stopped by his hat. 

“Then I’ll be sure to tune in,” Moosesha said, before turning her attention to the ant standing in the hallway’s entrance. She _glared_ at him. Yikes. What did he _do? _He tugged at the collar of his outfit and adjusted his dastaar on his head. “Uh, hey. You’re here to see me...?” 

She doesn’t say anything, instead striding up to him in _way_ less steps than he expected and examining him. “Hm,” was all she said. The Guru really hoped that _hm_ didn’t mean ‘I could definitely beat you up,’ because he already knew that. The woman was capable of tearing him tagmata from tagmata. 

“Yeah, I am,” she says finally. “We should have a talk, you know? About what happened yesterday.” If Guru Ant were more humanoid, he probably would have paled or blanched, but hemolymph simply doesn’t work like that. “Right, right. Uh, is this the part where I say I didn’t see nothing...?” 

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes, taking one of his wrists in her hands and dragging him out the door. “He’ll be back before sundown,” She calls out over her shoulder to Parappa. “Uh, okay!” He trusts that she wouldn’t hurt him; for all of her brashness, Moosesha does have the citizens at heart, after all. She probably just wanted to clear up any misconceptions about Takoyama’s... condition.

Come to think of it, Parappa never really understood what all of that was about anyways! Maybe Moosesha did...? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moosesha drives an olive Jeep and takoyama has definitely begged her to take all the doors off it once so they could drive around like cool kids
> 
> Yeah a lot doesn’t really happen in this one but I think I needed like a transition chapter cos my writers block be like “klnjlfheslk”


	8. Tako-Tako and Yama-Yama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moosesha tries her hardest to explain Takoyama's condition to Guru Ant, even if she isn't sure what's wrong with her friend herself. She really hopes that she can help him.

Before Guru Ant even really knew what was happening, he was sitting at a small cafe, opposite of Moosesha. She's glowering at him like she's trying to burn through him, and he finds himself pulling at his collar. He thought he was supposed to be getting answers. 

"So..." He taps three pairs of hands on the table in an odd rhythm, exhaling slowly. "Yesterday, that, uh. That was somethin' huh?" There's a small creak as Moosesha leans back in her seat and crosses her arms.

"Sorry," she says abruptly. "I'm just tryin' to think of what to say. Or where to start." Guru Ant nods rapidly, completely understanding. He's prone to saying 'uh' and 'um' a lot when he's thinking; maybe she just stares intently. He tries to calm down his mind; it's a little cruel to be scared of someone simply based on appearances, after all. He should hear her out. 

After a moment, she motions to the area where consumers would order food at the cafe. "Want anything?" Guru Ant shakes his head, before shrugging noncommittally. "S'fine, I don't really have any money that can be used here." Moosesha narrows her eyes and he automatically feels like he's said the wrong thing. He probably reeks of financial instability right now! "Right."

Where he comes from, finding a cent on the ground means you had it made! Money was extremely big, after all, and just one shiny ornament or bauble found on the ground could be used to trade for whatever someone needed. Not only that, but in Guru Ant's place, people helped each other out just 'cus they liked each other and wanted to see each other be happy and fulfilled. It's way different up here; you need money basically to do anything, even to get something from someone that cared about you. It didn't really make sense to him, but he supposes it's just The Way Things Were. He opted to not explain any of this to Moosesha and instead fidget with his hands on the table again. 

"Takoyama is.." She sighs, sounding agitated. "Takoyama has a problem. Whenever something agitates him or he goes under an extreme amount of stress, he changes. He becomes a lot more aggressive. He isn't _mean_ or _bad_ in this state, my Tako-tako could never be mean or bad, but he's different. We don't know why it happens." She takes a small break, her eyebrows furrowing. "Something similar happened to my old Captain, when I was in active duty. Whenever he got hit on the head or suffered trauma, he would have moments of clarity." A tiny smile formed on her face. "He would go back to being the tough guy I knew way back when!" She pumped a fist in the air and the smile turned into a grin. "Tellin' me to get my butt back in gear and everything. But..." She lowered her hand, as if remembering the present, "His mind began to... go. He's seeing doctors for it. It's dementia. When he goes back to being how I remembered him, he thinks he's in his past." 

Guru Ant didn't know what to say. "Man... I'm sorry. That sounds really rough. Watchin' people you love have to suffer like that." Moosesha snorts, sounding indignant. "It is." She snaps a little, though Guru feels it's a bit warranted.

"Takoyama doesn't have dementia. Not only is he too young, but.. It's not the same. He doesn't go to the past, he stays where he is. Time doesn't change for him, _he_ changes. There's something _else_ there. It sucks that I can't help him," she mumbles. "He doesn't remember after Yama-Yama... 'takes control,' I guess. I don't really have any other way to say that. Oh, Yama's what I call the red one. 'Cus I call the blue one Tako-Tako. Tako-Tako and Yama-Yama. And together he's Takoyama." 

"Clever," is all Guru Ant can say. He's a little bit overwhelmed. Poor Takoyama, having to deal with that. "How long's he been like this?" Moosesha shrugs. "Ever since I've known him. I've been here for... man, it's been close to a decade, and he's been my friend the entire time. He's always had to deal with this." Her voice goes a little quiet, or at least quiet for her standards. "I want him to talk to someone, but he won't. I don't really know what to do. He's grown, I can't make him, but... I wish he'd listed to me." 

Before he can help it, Guru Ant reaches a hand across the table and rests it on her shoulder in a gesture that he hopes is comforting. "He'll come around," he tries to assure her. "I know he looks up to you. I saw it in how he talked to you, he really cares about what you gotta say." He takes his hand away and leans back in his chair, feeling a little awkward. 

She crosses her arms again. "...Thanks. Hope you're right. Hey, lemme buy you somethin'. You know, for making me feel better."

* * *

One order-up later, Guru Ant has an energy drink. Not the most cafe-ish thing, but he panicked and saw the drinks in the little freezer to the side of the register and decided on it spur of the moment. He really hopes it doesn't make his anxiety worse, not when he has a date tonight.

His (metaphorical) heart skips a little beat as he thinks about the date. He hopes it doesn't show on his face. 

"So." Her gaze is steadfast and her expression is stern. "Since we're here. How come I've never seen you around town before, huh? You new or somethin'?" Guru Ant rubs the back of his neck with a hand. "Hahah, uh. Not exactly?" 

Of course, she isn't satisfied with that answer. "Whazzat supposed to mean?"

"Well, um. I've always lived with the Rappas, but... kinda in their carpet. Or on their floor, or something." Her expression turns unreadable at what he says, and he blunders on in a voice that he hopes is at least relatively cool. "Well, uh, you know I'm a bug. I used to be small, bug-sized. But Parappa's Dad, Mr. Rappa-- He made this invention that can grow or shrink objects at will." Moosesha nods, slowly catching on. Papa Parappa was pretty notorious for his semi-successful inventions; more than once the fire brigade had been called to their house in order to put out some gizmo or other, or to help the old man get unstuck from pieces of machinery. 

"And.. well, I grew. I was just tryin' to be cool, keep Raps and his friends from freakin' out, cus it's kinda chill being small, but... then I grew. And now I'm here, and the Rappas ain't got the money or the resources to make another invention to make me small again. So I guess I'm just kinda chillin'."

That explains the weird name and the hippy aesthetic and lack of basic finances or credentials! Guru Ant was small before! "Hm," Moosesha says. She knows that the Rappas are not the most financially stable (due to Papa Parappa getting his degree in noodles and being a freelance inventor), so it makes sense that they wouldn't be able to replicate the device. Also, it'd be kind of weird knowing that one of your friends is now just really small and running around on your carpet. What if they stepped on him?? Going back to that size might not be the best idea. 

"Hmph. Well, as long as you're in this town, you gotta play by this town's rules," Moosesha says. "I'll speak to some folks at City Hall about your situation and see what I can do," she muses a little. "With getting you _any_ sort of paperwork. It's not like you're from a different city or country; you just don't have any records to speak of. I'm sure they'd understand if I explain it. Weirder things have happened in this town." She smiles fondly, remembering.

As quick as anything, however, her expression sours. "But! If you're going to be hanging around my Tako-Tako, you can't just be bummin' around the Rappa residence! I have a strict 'No Scrub' policy in place for my best friend, and I'm _not_ allowing him to date some unemployed guy." 

Guru Ant waves his hands in the air frantically. "What?? We aren't-- I'm not-- Hey, whoa, slow down!" He's causing a little bit of a scene, and Moosesha bites on the inside of her cheek to suppress her laughter. This guy couldn't hurt a fly, she sees that now. Maybe he's a little _different_, a little weird and off-center, but so was her Tako-Tako. 

"What you aren't is _employed._ Listen, I'll see what I can do in regards to you being, you know, acknowledged as a citizen in regards to superfluous bureaucracy, but the job thing is up to you. I'll let you know when things are finished on my end."

Hm. Maybe she has a point. He doesn't really leave the bed until noon most days, and only really leaves the house when Parappa pleads with him to go to Club Fun with him and his friends as a late-night chaperone, since Sunny's dad likes to know "someone responsible" is there. Guru Ant isn't really responsible, but he _is_ an adult, and that's enough for General Potter. A job would be a good way to connect with the community, though he doesn't know what he would even _do._ What skillset does he have? He's never made a resume in his life...

Moosesha snaps him out of his internal rambling with her sharp voice-- "Are we clear?"-- And he nods and sits up as straight as he can. He feels like he's getting the shotgun talk from someone's parent.

"Good," She huffs. "Good talk. I'll call the Rappa's house when you're in the system." This feels like a dismissal. He nods and stands up. "Nice, okay. So... I can go?" She nods at him, biting the inside of her cheek again. He's such a nervous guy, especially for an adult. Moosesha sees right through that very thin go-with-the-flow persona he's got on. He isn't meeting her standards, but he isn't exactly _bombing_ them. 

What exactly does Takoyama _see_ in this guy, huh?


End file.
